Age of the Geek

Oh, what a guy
     This week sees the release of Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast,” yet another live action adaptation of a Disney animated classic. I would make a crack about Disney depending on reboots and remakes rather than original works, but that wouldn’t be fair. Disney is still putting out a lot of new properties, so dedicating some time and resources to nostalgia fueled cash-ins is excusable. It’s not like they’re completely resting on their laurels.
     Of course, “Beauty and the Beast” still seems to have generated some controversy. Not because it’s a reboot, and not even because of the terrible cover of the main theme by John Legend and Ariana Grande.
     The controversy stems from the earth shattering revelation that the film will include a minor subplot about the character LeFou and his romantic feelings towards the movie’s primary antagonist, Gaston.
     As it turns out people are shocked, just shocked, that the guy who sings a song recounting all the ways Gaston impresses him as the manliest man in the village… might just have a thing for him.
     It’s surprising that this is a shock to anybody considering LeFou performed the same song 26 years ago in the animated version. And let’s be honest, it was the catchiest song in that movie.
     And this is a bit more than the handful of Twitter trolls looking for attention. So far 61,000 people have signed the One Million Moms petition to Disney deriding their LGBT agenda and “veering away from family-friendly entertainment.” That number might not live up to their hyperbolic name, but it’s not nothing.
     The argument here is that storylines involving sexuality are too mature for children.
     Okay… lets get a few things straight here. (No pun intended.)
     Disney characters have been displaying their sexuality since 1937 when Prince Charming woke up Snow White with a kiss. That’s sexuality.
     In “Cinderella,” the Prince’s search for a wife is the driving force behind every character in the movie.
     In “Sleeping Beauty,” Prince Phillip wakes up Prince Aurora with a kiss. And sure, waking her breaks the curse on her kingdom, but that movie doesn’t end with “and then they went their separate ways.”
     In “The Little Mermaid,” Ariel trades away her voice and everything she’s ever known for a pair of legs to chase a guy.
     When Aladdin, who has to steal food to survive, wishes himself into a prince, it’s not to escape his crippling poverty. It’s to impress a girl he likes.
     Pocahontas throws herself into danger to protect her boyfriend.
     Hercules literally dives into death itself to save his girlfriend.
     Mulan tries to balance romantic feelings towards her captain while pretending to be a guy.
     For crying out loud, all three primary male characters in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” are motivated by their sexual attraction to a gypsy girl.
     And that’s just the movies about human characters. “Lady and the Tramp,” “The Aristocats,” and “101 Dalmatians” all feature romantic relationships. Human-like mice Bernard and Bianca of “The Rescuers” get engaged in between saving small children from greedy adults. And Robin Hood and Maid Marian are still together, even as anthropomorphic fox people.
     Even Bambi gets some action by the end of his movie.
     Every single one of these films portrays sexuality and every one of them is still considered “family-friendly entertainment.”
     Including the original “Beauty and the Beast,” which itself comes within a hair’s width of portraying Stockholm Syndrome as romantic.
     So we’re all clear here. Portrayals of sexuality in these family-friendly Disney movies is a-okay. They were 80 years ago. They were 26 years ago. They will still be okay this Friday.
     That one of these portrayals will involve homosexuality, rather than heterosexuality, is nothing worth getting riled up over. If kids can handle the idea that Goofy and Pluto are both dogs, they can deal with LeFou crushing on Gaston.
     Travis Fischer is a news writer for Mid-America Publishing and would probably top out at one dozen eggs. Eating five dozen just seems excessive.